I have a lot a friends of varying ages and career paths. Some have children and some don’t. Some will one day, and some won’t. This post is for those who only see kids as time sucking, money grubbing, competitors for your life goals. They are so much more than that. Here we go…
- With kids, you can fart whenever you want to and easily blame it on them. This only works until your child is old enough to defend themselves and ring out a clear, “whoever smelled it dealt iiiittt.” Diaper kids are by far the best ones to take a fall for your bubble guts.
- If you break down and give them fast food, they must repay you by sharing fries, guilt free of course.
- Child nap-time is a great excuse for a daytime adult nap. Adult naps can otherwise be occasionally met with scrutiny. You can’t, however, challenge the necessity of a daytime nap when you are rearing young lives.
- Kids movies are actually pretty funny, but it’s hard to watch them by yourself without feeling some kind of way. There is nothing like a pint-sized excuse to check out Sing, Trolls, Storks, Dory, Cars, Moana, Underpants, Kung Fu Panda Sagas, you pick your poison. And don’t even talk about the original Disney Classics.
- Me-time is so much sweeter. Going to a coffee shop is just a regular occurrence without kids. With them, it is a luxurious vacation full of ambient adult chatter and the smell of Joe.
- You can go to kid amusement places without feeling at all creepy. Water parks, arcades and amusement parks are all fair game and devoid of side-eyes.
- You can eat cotton candy, funnel cake and other youth-like pleasurable treats without feeling guilty. After all, you didn’t buy it for you, but you DID buy it. Share child!
- Your house can be messy and you have a very solid excuse. To an extent, that is. At some point it’s just nasty. #nojudgement #callbeforeyoucome
- You have excellent motivation to participate in arts and crafts that you actually enjoyed as a child. Let’s be honest, Cricut is nothing but a rebirth of the arts and crafts of yesteryear. Crochet, paper mache, sew, and make costumes to your hearts content. especially if your kids NEED you to make something.
- You can buy sugary cereal on occasion and have cereal desert when you want. Who doesn’t like a bowl of Honey Nut Cherrios, Frosted Flakes or Cinnamon Toast Crunch? Not to mention Pop Tarts and Fruit snacks? If you can’t appreciate at least a slight twinkle of desire to taste one of these treats, you are dead inside. I know that is dramatic. It’s just that, (emotional pause), I loved those cereals and only got to have them on rare occasions as a kid. Now, when my kids get the occasional treat of the smallest box of over priced cereal with sugar and bright colors for no reason, I too can indulge for a moment. I know I’m not the only one because the Trix Rabbit spent his entire career trying to keep adult hands off of his cerealic goodness. You all will not shame me.
- You get an inadvertent work-out constantly. There is nothing like carrying at 20 plus pound toddler around all day, or swinging a carrier or stroller into a car or bus to get some arm guns and a pseudo-kettle bell workout.
- Kids will help you value your own life more. A friend said that her husband stopped jumping off of the edge of danger constantly when little lives were in play. No more drinking your liver crazy or finding the most perilous excursions while on vacation. Hell, we don’t even leave the house anymore! Just kidding.
- Chaos with kids leads to the revelation of life hacks that you may not have ever known. For example: Did you know that if you leave a leftover bottle of wine that is not completely consumed on your kitchen counter for days, it will attract fruit flies and they will drink those old libations and die? I went to pour out and throw away an old bottle of white wine, but to my surprise there were at least 10 dead fruit flies and one regular house fly floating in the liquid. Who knew that my cleaning failures, which are vastly more common with kids, would result in a summer fruit fly extermination? Love it!
- You get to participate in fun activities like play in sprinklers and throw water balloons on a hot summer day, light sparklers and throw snaps on Independence day, throw snowballs and ride sleds down hills in winter (yes, I too have a pair of snow pants), go to the beach and build sand castles, and skip rocks on the lake shore. This point feels like it is turning into a commercial for Pure Michigan.
- Your pain tolerance increases due to the number of times you step on some sharp little toy that you didn’t see and it pierces a nerve that speaks to your soul. Eventually you just shake it off, pick it up, and keep on moving.
By far the best part of having kids. and you don’t actually have to have kids to enjoy this, is telling them how amazing they are and all of the wonderful things that they can do. I was watching Oprah Winfrey’s Master Class with Steve Harvey and he talked about how a teacher tried to humiliate him for saying that he wanted to be on TV when when grew up, especially since he had a very profound stutter. His dad told him to not be deterred and to remind himself every day about his dreams. Look at him now, on TV 7 days a week. My momma watches every show too.
Anyone can try to crush a person’s dreams. Poor Taylor Swift recently wrote a whole song about her vendettas. Only someone who loves you will see your potential and nurture your confidence to build your own future. I’m honored to have that privilege. My kids know that when I say, “What are you?” they say, “Amazing!” I pray that they never forget it. #ilikedyoubetterwhenyouwerehappytaylor
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