We’ve been to Wisconsin Dells countless times.

The Indoor Waterparks are just as fun in the fall and winter as the outdoor parks are in the summer. My kids have a blast while my blood pressure skyrockets. See, my nerves is bad. My grammar in that statement is intentional. My Nerves Is BAD.*

Sidebar: I swear waterpark lifeguards must take a Xanax before their shift. They are cool as a fan while these kids and adults stand on the edge of safety. They are one slip, one back flip, one lazy pontoon away from tragedy x 100, and the lifeguards seem unfazed. If you aren’t ACTUALLY drowning, they’re at the ready. Otherwise, a quick whistle chirp is about all you are gonna get out of any one of them when things are just a little too close to danger.

But I digress.

Here I am, a mother of three, with a pretty decent midsection, thanks to rare exercise, good genes and my best friend SculpSure (a little laser body sculpting never hurts.) Still, confidence is not one of my strengths. I searched long and hard for this swim dress that said “cute” without being too revealing. It has the cutest shorts underneath too. I got a lot of compliments on it.

I’m styling and mom-profiling, and I start to notice something. There is body confidence everywhere. I’m talking about 2-pieces of ALL shapes and sizes. I was in awe. Post-baby bellies, pre-baby bellies, and a LOT of non-Instagram model bellies. I had to ask myself, why am I here worried about my lack of packs (get it? Not a six, four or two pack in sight) and these ladies could care less about their rather abundant midsections.

Love Your Body In Every State

These ladies were there to swim and have fun and they clearly thought that they look GOOD. And THEY DID! Their confidence shined brighter than the artificial indoor lighting, and I envied them. When you put on a two piece, that is not accidental. You have to rock it. I was totally feeling their swag.

I learned something this weekend about being comfortable in my own skin. I also have a few more Waterpark reflections.

More Waterpark Reflections

1. Parents who don’t put their babies and toddlers in swim diapers are TRASH. I’m not sorry. <

   

   

2. They don’t put clocks in the pool area on purpose- because the pool is a time warp that is designed to keep you there forever, like the Lotus Flower in ancient Greek mythology.
3. Lazy Rivers and Wave Pools when you have children between 6 and 10 raise my blood pressure.
4. They should sell Excedrin in vending machines or dispensers in the pool area. Or better yet, their should be Parent Recharge Stations like the ones on Marathon routes with shots of Gatorade and Espresso.
5. Child locator wrist-bands need to be a thing. Kids are quick and slippery. And I have the fortune and curse of having some fearless ones.
6. There MUST be a strain of Weed called Waterpark Lifeguard that keeps them alert enough to save lives, but cool enough to watch almost-tragedies occur every minute.
7. Either I am growing, or these pool-only towels are shrinking. Issa Hand Towel**.
8. I need 10 other moms to help me go Oceans Eleven on the adjacent Arcade. YOU’RE GONNA GIVE MY KID A PRIZE. Those toy-grabbing games and other lose-every-time games need a reckoning.
9. Germs are good. Germs are good. Deep breath. Germs are good.
10. I told you. My NERVES is BAD. (Still intentional grammar. See the translation below.)

12. I know ONE thing. I’ll be strutting in my 2-piece the next time we go anywhere near water. You can believe that!

* “My Nerves is bad” Translation: I am a nervous nelly around slippery floors, tall slides, and a bunch of fast moving children of all shapes and sizes not raised by ME.

** “Issa” is colloquial for “It’s a.” In different context it could also refer to Issa Rae, who I love.

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